changes
When I was a little girl, I was the most awkward and gangly girl. I never wore makeup, I had thick brown long hair, and I was always strutting around the house in mismatched pajamas reading books. My "adult" teeth came in early so my smile looked weird on this little kid with huge teeth and I remember hoping to be pretty so I could be a model.
I was so nervous around boys. My first boyfriend in sixth grade made me so nervous, that whenever I was next to him I would almost puke. So I made my friend Jessica tell him I wanted to break up. I would never be a good girlfriend if I was going to puke all the time. How would we ever kiss?!
In about fifth grade I had decided I wanted to become a hip hop dancer. I begged my parents for gymnastics lessons, and when they surprised me with them for christmas, I think I might have cried. I stayed in gymanstics for a while, until I quit because the teachers daughter made fun of me. I never wanted to go anymore, that I remember crying my eyes out before my mom dropped me off.
So I decided then to take on learning how to dance by myself. I constantly recorded music videos and replayed them back on slow so I could learn. I loved the way dancing made me feel. So free and happy.
I remember that I couldn't wait to grow up. I was so excited about the fact that I could be whatever I wanted. I would sit there and make fashion shows with my friends and my sister from my closet. I remember pretending to own a clothing store "Inspirations" and all day I made my brother "shop" for clothes. I remember the first time I ever got a Delia's magazine. It was so amazing to me that you could buy these clothes, they were so awesome. I had never before seen anything like it. I remember sleeping with it under my pillow, and cutting out pictures from other one's and building a collage with them. I think that's when I first decided I wanted to do fashion design. It gave me hope outside of growing up poor.
I don't know when the anxiety started within me. But I remember thinking, "I don't want to be poor like my parent's." It had never dawned on me that my parent's couldn't pay for my college, and that I might not be able to go. I think at this point in my life the anxiety escalated. I still feel it today. It's the worse it's ever been.
I was so nervous around boys. My first boyfriend in sixth grade made me so nervous, that whenever I was next to him I would almost puke. So I made my friend Jessica tell him I wanted to break up. I would never be a good girlfriend if I was going to puke all the time. How would we ever kiss?!
In about fifth grade I had decided I wanted to become a hip hop dancer. I begged my parents for gymnastics lessons, and when they surprised me with them for christmas, I think I might have cried. I stayed in gymanstics for a while, until I quit because the teachers daughter made fun of me. I never wanted to go anymore, that I remember crying my eyes out before my mom dropped me off.
So I decided then to take on learning how to dance by myself. I constantly recorded music videos and replayed them back on slow so I could learn. I loved the way dancing made me feel. So free and happy.
I remember that I couldn't wait to grow up. I was so excited about the fact that I could be whatever I wanted. I would sit there and make fashion shows with my friends and my sister from my closet. I remember pretending to own a clothing store "Inspirations" and all day I made my brother "shop" for clothes. I remember the first time I ever got a Delia's magazine. It was so amazing to me that you could buy these clothes, they were so awesome. I had never before seen anything like it. I remember sleeping with it under my pillow, and cutting out pictures from other one's and building a collage with them. I think that's when I first decided I wanted to do fashion design. It gave me hope outside of growing up poor.
I don't know when the anxiety started within me. But I remember thinking, "I don't want to be poor like my parent's." It had never dawned on me that my parent's couldn't pay for my college, and that I might not be able to go. I think at this point in my life the anxiety escalated. I still feel it today. It's the worse it's ever been.
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