diamonds, roses, I need Moses

today, i sat on a wooden bench emerged in massive cotton candy pink and sunset orange roses. I closed my eyes and listened. For once. I listened to the water rushing rapidly from the stone fountain. A huge storm was brewing all around me, as well as internally. I felt a change start to course itself through my veins. Something is different, I thought. Maybe it was that the roses reminded me of my grandma, and I understood how she could love them so. Or maybe the thought was pulling in my head, that I think my mom is sick. I keep finding things that she keeps trying to hide, and I think maybe I am just understanding that I will lose my parents. Maybe she was telling me the truth that she was fine, after I found her book on "how to eat healthy when you have cancer," and I wanted to die, right there in the living room, and I just pretended I never saw it. How she keeps saying "I can't wait to hug you again." Maybe things are fine, and realizing the change is in me, as I held my hands together and wondered if this perfect scenery was what heaven looked like. I am growing up, faster than I could ever imagine. This life, beautiful like, is different then it was five years ago. Everything feels real to me for once. Not prosthetic, empty or routine. The same sensation ran through my body, that I have only felt one other time in my life. The day I knew I wanted to be baptized, I was 13 it was something I knew I had to do, I couldn't logically explain it as emotions poured themselves out of my little girl self uncontrollably, at the dinner table. I have that same feeling now, creeping up on me and taking over every thought. This will forever change my life, as I stared at the water, and felt my soul stir. Inhaling the sweet fall air, I tried to forever remember this moment. The moment my life will change.